Dear You, From We.

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Well, America!

She's back!

After a two-year(ish) hiatus, I have decided to get back on this thing - my how time has flown.

Trutfully speaking, there was no reason for me to ever stop; I think real life just mostly got in my way and cluttered my head. When you spend more of your time getting soul-sucked from a corporation that can't even be bothered to toss you a spare fiver for a bonus bonus, well! 

It's kind of hard to get online for anything more than an escape.

And - to give myself a lot of credit - I think I forgot I (to a certain degree) may serve that purpose for someone else. I mean, humor is a universal balm, who knows how many people I've made laugh - intentionally or not?

I think one of the main reasons I came back on here is because I was asked, for the hundredth time, to make a podcast. You see, my personality is so effrevescent people just clamor to hear my thoughts - I can't help but be compelling! I'm a Leo and a middle child, it was in my life lottery!

I'm joking, but really - so many people want me to do a podcast! And it's not that I'm against it, I just feel like that's the medium I've least cared to explore, as far as expressing my opinions. I mean, I think I'd be a killer guest on someone else's podcast, or even a TikTok (I am still waiting for the day a child with a lav mic comes up to me in the mall, by the way - what is taking so long?!), but I don't know - never say never, I guess. 

But what a revelation it was to read my old posts - why didn't any of you tell me I was in dire need of a copyeditor was so unhinged (but in like, a crazy/sexy/cool way that is aspirational)? I mean seriously, the mix of long-winded streams of conscius and humor?! 

That's what I'm good at. I've always been a great writer - albeit I may write...too much...every now and again. Despite that, I firmly belive I deserve a Presidential medal for relatable comedy. Just your regular, sexy and modern working woman!

Huge year for me, I'm claiming it now - we are speaking only great things over ourselves this year.

Really we should be doing that every year, but I am now .. . in .. my late 20s (not spiraling about that, by the way!) with the wisdom of a wizened old tree constantly on the brink of being chopped down, so I'm really on this. Gonna emphasize the need to speak positivity and wealth of: spirit/family/health/etc. over myself and any of you reading this. Cause no one likes a Deborah Downer, especially not on the first day of a New Year.

We got this!

I'll try my best to keep this going, I mean really try.

But try to work with me I'm only human.

And for a treat, here's some randome thoughts:

THOSE FAKE-ASS SCENARIOS FROM TWITTER AND TIKTOK OR WHEREVER THE F*CK THAT ARE LITERALLY JUST DISCOURSE BAIT, OMG STOP ENGAGING IN THEM AND  GET YOU SOME MONEY AND BITC-

KELELA

Girl, if y'all don't get the music back on YouTube? What's going on there?! Why do I have the option to listen to 5 different remixes of one song, but not the original song itself?

Don't vex me?

"SALTBURN"

Spoiler alert on the gifs, I guess.

Wasn't terrible, but really pissed me off - like that cannot be it.

Actually, me and Emerald Fennell might have a coconut, to be honest! Cause "Promising Young Woman" pissed me off, too - and it's ALWAYS the third act that really gets me fuming.

"The Little Mermaid" remake

(Everything else was about expanding Disney's cultural and financial capital.)

"ELEMENTAL"

After much thought, I have decided that Wade is biracial - his deceased father was Black. Yes he's a water blob but there's just some things- listen, I can't get too into it, but you get it.

It was a great Caublinasian (thanks Tiger Woods) love story, that now sits firmly between "The Princess and the Frog" and "Up" on my roster of amazing films about love that you can cry to.

"BARBIE" Movie

*lights cut off*   

BEYONCÉ

MY FRENCH

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THE FRENCH

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TWITTER

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"Real Housewives of Salt Lake City"

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U.S. PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION '24

COVID

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LACTOSE INTOLERANCY

THE 2020s

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MY JOB

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I was in the shower lathering my #Black #Body when I had a eureka moment. You see, dear reader, I had had a conversation with a younger female cousin about eccentric nepotism kid, Sam Levinson, and the travesty that was "Malcolm & Marie" (two hours of nonsense, AND the haunting visual of a bowl of Kraft mac & cheese, which...REALLY?! BLACK PEOPLE?! EATING KRAFT?!!) when I realized tokenization and White People Attempting to Write Social Commentary For An Experience In Which They Are Not Part Of With The Assistance of All of Zero Members of The Aforementioned Experience™ just might be the downfall of Hollywood.

See, my friends, the simple reality of the early 2020s (and what a...start this new decade has been having) is:

IT IS NO LONGER ENOUGH TO JUST BE RICH.

And white.

And male

Wait.

Well, actually...

certain exceptions apply.

Follow as I explain, and then predictably veer into my usual rant about media.

I love television. I love film. I love to be entertained! What I don't love is feeling like I'm being played. Yes, darling reader,  I have begun to take note of just how the system is being gamed against My People™, and - like Beyoncé shouting "LIGHTS! SOMEBODY'S GETTIN' FIRED - HEY! HEY!" during the I Am...World Tour - I'm calling the bitches out!

At one point in American history, the gauche and gaudy were at the peak of entertainment. Wealth, proximity to luxury and lavish lifestyles were at the cornerstone of most all media. And who held that title? Well, by default, a whole lot of white people. Mostly white people. Probably, like, 96% white.

Now, was this done without critique? No, of course not. But, honestly? We got some really great shows and movies - fiction, reality, documentary - out of this time period! 

Listen. AHT! Don't wanna hear it - tell the truth, shame the devil! 

I mean, remember when teens were teens? Motivated by raging hormones and the suffocating desire to fit in? Do you honestly think a "Clueless" could work today? Besides Cher and Josh's inappropriate relationship, imagine the social commentary? Yes, the film makes its intentions clear, but never forget - bylines must be submitted. The overzealous and the righteous and the ravenous tweens and probably the Ev@ng3licals or F*x News will find SOMETHING.  

I mean, "Heathers" tried - and failed - to reboot with your 2020s Token Minority Rep™ as the Heathers, and that plane didn't even make it out the gate. Terrible concept from the beginning, and I can tell you that as someone who never even bothered to watch the pilot. You can't make a film about stuck up, bitchy, thin, popular, rich white girls, and honestly think that making the new gang consist of a gay kid, one kinda not-thin brunette with a pixie cut, a blonde white girl and a biracial girl with a terrible Anna Wintour-esque wig, and sincerely believe that translates the same message. It doesn't. It really REALLY doesn't.

Remember when Black people existed without some long, drawn-out, traumatizing engagement with The State™ or racism?

Remember when women got to exist and be happy and fall in love and sit around the table with their girlfriends and just...be! Remember balanced media?

Not to say you can't make A Point™ and still remain lighthearted (shows didn't make after school special episodes for nothing) or that you shouldn't make a commentary with your art, but that's just not all there was. Sometimes things were just...things! 

Around the time that a young Trayvon Martin was gunned down, I began to notice, personally, that things changed. There was a shift in the zeitgeist. People had to reckon with their internal biases and sociopolitical awareness, and justice activism was at an all-time high (RIGHTFULLY SO, I might add). However, in the course of navigating through that very real shockwave, in the midst of a changing entertainment landscape, the balance between lighthearted fun, identity politics and Making A Point™ tipped all the way over. Best Perfect Person Syndrome overtook the world. Almost eight years and one Pantene Pro V later, dear reader I fear things have gotten worse. You see, it's no longer about scrutinizing history (although now I question if it ever was).

The rampant tokenization of minorities that has existed in cinema for ages has made way for a new grift. The new game is for some non-Black people to hide behind Black people's stories and craft content...for...well...an almost...actually a...let's be honest, here...voyeuristic non-Black/partially Black gaze. And it's being done for some melted and reshaped gold, which I believe to be even worse.

I can only speak to the Black American experience because it's all I know, but it's growing uncomfortably obvious that this is an easy lick. It's 2021. When you're Black (or, if you're a young girl - Black-ish *looks into camera), no one wants to tell you a new story. In fact, a lot of the time, it'll feel like all Hollywood wants to do is retraumatize you. So you end up binge-watching old shows, holding your breath at reboots and questioning why your initial excitement at the announcement of a Black Princess Ariel waned after you realized none of her family would be Black and, in fact, she was possibly going to be yet another example of colorist, biracial-appearing casting.

It's not fun, actually. It's humiliating.

The near-constant begging for better treatment from an institution that shape-shifts to tease progress while very much shirking actual progress.

So how privileged, largely (but not only) nepotistic Hollywood creators got Here™?

Simple terms? Far too many people picked a sucker mined a movement and they licked it.

And some people let them continue to hit that lick because people love storytelling - it is the oldest, most sacred human tradition. And stories deserve to get told. Fairly. ACCURATELY. From the point of view of those with the experience. By people who care. Not by people who want pats on the back for being mediocre and shoving a token, oft-neglected face in front of a camera and saying, "HEY! I AM TELLING YOU A GREAT AND VERY IMPORTANT STORY! LAUD ME AND BRING ME THE GOLD!"

No!

And catering to white sensibilities or white guilt.

And giving opportunity to other white people.

And rewarding white people for kinda...sorta not-white art? But with white saviors or white presences or white gazes prioritized.

At least they do for now.

But I'm not coming out of my pocket $13 to watch a movie about it, and I'm certainly not watching a show about it. I'm not a sucker. 

Game recognize game, baby.