At what point does one fully become, and accepts being, self-sufficient? I used to believe there was a set timeline which I could follow that would outline, in bold, the exact date, time and age at which I would achieve total independence, but then I grew up and reality punched me so hard in the chest that that idea flew completely out the window.

As society and the standards by which I hold myself to (see: achieving financial independence, total home ownership, continued health, career and financial success, becoming the matriarch of a nuclear family, etc.) evolve, I can't help but to notice that, all around me, are people so scared to grow into a completely independent individual. Cowering behind the actualization of being completely self-sufficient, they fall back into patterns of dependency more frequently seen in small children.

Independence is something a lot of people are actually quite scared to see through.

Justifiably so, growing up is the pits! But it's something we all do, regardless of any staunch refusal to actively do so.

When considering living beings' inclination to choose the path of least resistance, independence may seem revolutionary. After all, speaking as a woman, I have often been discouraged and met with scandalized gasps after admitting that I relish the thought of being independent. Let's be honest, how often have we (myself included) become reliant on the Cinderalla Story? Heralded romantic dependence as a prize for the pains of existence? Framed lifelong partnership as something worth living for and looking forward to and sealed it with a Disney kiss?

Harsh reality: Ignoring the narcissism and existential fears which lie behind these motivations does not do anything for the individual. Life is hard and precarious and so unpredictable and, yes, sometimes clinging onto another person may help to distract from this reality. But do not lose sight of this also inconvenient truth: Unless absolutely necessary, past a certain age total dependence on another person may prove toxic.

We've only just begun to admit it because society has changed. Hushed conversations which were once so taboo they could only occur in the boudoirs and beer taverns are now freely and openly discussed.

The fabric of society has changed.
The standards and expectations are different.


From where I stand, independence is no longer revolutionary, rather it is innate to all.

Whether realized it or not, this process ultimately began once we left our mother's breast and began toddling.


To reiterate: unless necessary, I believe total dependence upon others to be grossly unappealing. Truthfully the very thought of it gives me an instant feeling of dread.

Now I can admit, though I have yet to completely reach the point of total independence, my mind is basically already there.


I have grown to recognize total reliance on any temporal being also susceptible to the ravages of time, desires and any other whim is unsustainable past a certain point of time. I have also come to recognize the difference between wanting and needing people and things.

Independence has helped me to recognize the importance of having my own back before can have anyone else's or before I want or ever need anyone else to have my back, too. Sometimes this may feel more achievable in theory rather than actual practice, but it is a quality most all of us (see: I'm lying, some of us) will eventually possess.

It's just a part of growing up.