One of the more amusing aspects I have begun to notice about myself is the ability to feel both young and old, all at once. I'm unsure if it is a response to being a milennial in the The Divided United States of America, but my knack for feeling both aged and stuck in arrested development is - I'm certain - familiar to many.

Though my being perceptive is an inherent gift, I like to joke that it is my ongoing, internal, 'girl, I'm grown, grown?' battle which has roused the latent all-seeing Older Black Lady (OBL) Third Eye™ found in all black women aged 32-years-old and up.

It is the same eye all of our mothers, aunties, grandmothers - any black women adjacent to our own lives - posses. The one that allows them to ~ realize things ~  before the things even register in our small brains (and as historically proven, we all know those ~ things ~ which are to be eventually ~ realized ~ are done so several years after initial impact.

Such is the destiny for all who do not fit the core OBL demographic, unfortunately I do not make the rules.

So, here's something my Older Black Lady Third Eye™ has realized: I don't owe anyone, anything.

Not my time.
Not my emotions.
Not my energy.
Nothing.

As I've aged, and the third eye opened wider, I have begun to ~ realize ~ there is an expectation for women to continually extend all parts of themselves to others without question.

To make ourselves accessible to people who demand it because it is our womanly duty to serve.

Frankly, I cannot understand why this is. To throw a bone, potentially it is a result of the belief that 'woman is consumate nurturer'?

More often than not, women are expected to sacrifice emotionally whilst men are expected to sacrifice physically, the system of checks and balances which keeps the world of gendered stereotypes in check. As is the case with most all things, it is an archaic, socially appointed contract which - big shocker - is expected to be performed and legitimized for the eyes of others.

Not discounting either sacrifice, but let's be honest: until recent examination and magnification of the importance of mental health, physical sacrifice was seen as being more valid and worthy of eliciting complaint than emotional sacrifice because it is an unseen scar. Until recently, the wear of emotional sacrifice had a tendency to be delegitimized.

There are no external bruises, callouses or wear, so who believes it to be an actual affliction?

What was that famous phrase, again? Ah yes, "seeing is believing."

And sometimes people just don't want to see.

However, to quote the legendary, Claire Huxtable: