"The Heist"

Character(s): Ryan Lochte, Jack Conger, Gunnar Bentz and James Feigen, four SUPER TALL, SUPER WHITE, Gold-medalist swimmers for Team USA

Lais - Brazilian head of an international, all-inclusive, all-female gang called Os Anjos da Victoria, who are hell bent on fighting for justice, equality and taking down the patriarchy using their smarts, sexuality, beauty and modelesque looks to Venus fly trap any idiot who gets in the way of their mission

Adriana - Lais' right hand woman, and the head muscle of Os Anjos

Gisele - Lais' left hand woman, and the money woman of Os Anjos  

Setting: A Brazilian nightclub in the middle of the night/early morning hours after the final swimming meet has just concluded. Packed to the brim, it booms with celebrations from every corner as Os Anjos have just come back from a successful meeting in Europe with international superstars, Beyoncé Knowles-Carter, Rihanna Fenty, Stephanie Germanotta, Lupita Nyong'o and Meryl Streep.

*Scene 1 - On the dancefloor*

She casts a shrewd eye over the scene in front of her, the leggy, dancing figure in the crowd, she stands out and yet blends in perfectly with the other gyrating bodies stuffing the spaces surrounding her. Carefully, she calculates her movements, taking note of the position of the two other women around her, eyes flitting back and forth between the door and the dance floor. Glistening with sweat, her bronze skin shines, the flowy white dress she wears swishing around her body in waves. The electric red six-inch heels traveling up her dainty feet create light scratches on the club's floorboards. She is Lais, head boss of Os Anjos da Victoria, her soft disposition and slim figure hiding a tough interior. Next to her, two women - Gisele, the blonde, Adriana, the brunette - scream and shout words of encouragement at her quick, lithe-bodied movements. Quickly, Gisele, adorned in a pale green slip dress that, at the beginning of the night, hugged the curves of her voluptuous body and has now slowly begun to shift off her shoulder, stands, making a quick, indistinguishable motion to her cohorts. Quickly, Adriana, whose yellow minidress has blended in with the gear of those who have entered the club proudly wearing the green, yellow and blue colors of the Brazilian flag, makes a move towards the clubs bathroom, surreptitiously signaling the still dancing Lais. Still reveling in the heat of the club, the three women laughingly make their way to the bathroom, speaking quickly in their native Portugese, Making their way around the dimly lit hallway leading to the bathroom, Adriana, who has opted to go for a modest five-inch heel, yelps as she trips over an sleeping, drunken body on her way into the restroom. Inside, they are greeted with a surprise they will never forget...

*Scene 2 - In the bathroom*

Ryan (slurring): "Jyeah! Well, well, well, whatta we have here?"

*The three women look around, confused as to who these White men are*

James (while peeing in the sink): "BROOOOO! I knew we were in the chicks bathroom, what the fuck!?

Gunnar (confused): "Holy shit! Bro, let's get outta here, man, I wanna go back to the Vil!"

Ryan: "Nah, nah, nah, bro, I wanna get to know these ladies! Wassup mamis?! Hablo ENGISH?"

Adriana, Gisele and Lais exchange disgusted glances and roll their eyes, making a move to exit the restroom

Ryan (running around to block them): "Woah, chill, ladies, relax, we mean no harm...uhh, FUCK, James, don't you speak Spanish or some shit?"

James: "Loch, they speak Portugese in Brazil, dude, not Spanish."

Gunnar: "Who fucking cares! Let's go, man, Jack is wasted and on the ground, fuck these chicks, I want to go HOME!"

Ryan: "Dude, this is a primo opportunity, man, we could really get somethin' outta this!"

*Ryan winks lasciviously*

Adriana: "Move. Now."

James (who has finished peeing and has not washed his hands): "Damn, I want that one!"

*Gisele slinks off to a toilet, under the nervous, watchful eye of Gunnar*

Lais: "You heard her, leave now, or regret ever coming here in the first place."

Ryan: "Cmon now, ladies, ladies, LADIES, we're all just having fun, here right? Look, I don't know if you know this, but we're Olympian Athletes from the Amer-"

Lais & Adriana: "Don't care."

Gisele (sarcastically muttering in the stall): "Grande peão"

Ryan: "From AMERICA, betcha like that, ever been? Anyways, jyeah, as I was sayin', why don't you let us buy you and your other friend some drinks, get to know each other better..."

*Ryan makes a move to put his arm around Lais, which she quickly sidesteps. Meanwhile Gisele has exited her toilet and is carefully watching the scene through the mirror above the sink where she is washing her hands. Gunnar stands, swaying uncomfortably by the door near Adriana and over a drunk Jack, while James leans up against the stall watching Adriana with obvious desire.*

James: "WOADERE, *laughs* we're just offering up some drinks, sexy ladies, we don't bite, right, Loch?" *laughs again*

Lais: "Do you know who we are? We can get our own drinks."

Adriana: "We're good, thanks, now goodbye for the last time. "bro"."

Ryan: "DOOOOOD, no need to be a bitch about it! We're all just here to have a good time, NAHMEAN?"

*Ryan makes another move to throw his arm around Lais' shoulders, but she evades him once again, head quickly snapping up in unison with the other two women*

Lais: "I'm sorry...come again?"

Gisele: "Did you just....? I mean, really?"

Adriana: "You know, I really was trying to be nice..."

Lais: "First off, YOU were in the ladies bathroom harassing US, meanwhile it really looks like your friend could use some assistance."

Gisele: "Secondly, fuck you, we've made it clear that we don't want to be anywhere NEAR you."

Adriana: "Thirdly, we said no, so accept that, no means fucking NO!"

*Ryan, James and Gunnar stare, gobsmacked*

Lais: "Any questions? No? Then get out. NOW!"

Ryan; "Or what? Fuck ya'll, stupid bitches anyways!"

Gunnar: "Guys, please.."

James: "Bunch of fucking HOOKERS anyways, sluts!"

*Adriana tosses her head back to laugh, the hollow noise unnerving the men in the room, speedily, she catches James with a swift chop to the throat, followed by a punch in the stomach and a knee to his groin*

Gisele: "Oh, Adri, not again!"

Ryan: "FUCKING BITCH, WHAT THE HELL?!"

*Drunkenly, he lunges for Adriana, but is quickly stopped by Lais who grabs Ryan's bleached locks, causing him to yelp in pain and change directions, giving her the opportunity to knee him the nose, sending an immediate spurt of blood across the floor*

Gisele: "Dammit, Lai, you got blood on my new Manolos!"

*Gisele says this while holding onto a struggling Gunnar's ears*

Ryan, James and Gunnar: *Cry out in pain while a string of expletives colors the bathroom*

Lais: "Sorry babe, I'll get you a new pair, promise!"

Lais (addressing the men): "Now that THAT'S all said and done, I want you to leave here, and never come back, understood, gringo?"

Ryan, James and Gunnar: *muffled protests*

Lais, Gisele and Adriana: "WHAT WAS THAT?!"

Ryan, James and Gunnar: "YES, OKAY, okay, okay! Sorry, pleaseeee don't hurt us, we get it!"

*The woman laughingly observe the scrambling men as they readjust themselves*

Gisele: "...BOO!"

*Hastily, and tripping over one another, the men all leave the restroom, picking up a still unconscious Jack and carrying him out of the bathroom*

Lais: *shouting after the men* "Os Anjos da Victoria don't fuck around!"

*Scene 2 - Post fight*

*Dissolving into giggles, the women observe the scene around them.*

Adriana: "So dramatic, and hard of hearing those Americans, honestly...you would've thought I really gave him a fight!"

Lais: "Really, Adri, you must work on that temper of yours, I think I chipped my nail!"

Gisele: "Oooh, ooh, ooh, jackpot, one of them left their wallet!"

Lais: "Lemme see?"

Adriana: "Oh, please, like we need the money?"

Lais: "No, I just wanna see who it belongs to!"

Gisele: "Ryan...Losh-tee? The hell kinda name is that?"

Adriana: *Giggling* "Oh, I know that name, he's a swimmer! And it's Lock-TEE, babes."

Lais: "Losh-tea, Lock-tee, who the hell cares, really?"

*She tosses the wallet back into the stall where Gisele found it and the three women begin to primp themselves in the mirror*

Adriana: "You know what would be super funny..."

Lais and Gisele: "Whaaat?"

Adriana: "If he lied about losing his wallet in Brazil, and it becomes this international thing! I mean, just think about all the possibilities? Cause what man is gonna openly admit to getting his ass kicked by three women? Especially Os Anjos?"

*Gisele and Lais stare blankly at Adriana for approximately 5 seconds before bursting out into loud guffaws.*

Lais: "Adri, honestly this imagination of yours. He'll just say he left it in a club, how difficult is that?"

Gisele: "Honestly, I thought you were gonna say let's give the wallet to like, a prostitute or something, ugh, Adri, your imagination sometimes!"

*The ladies make their way out of the bathroom, laughing at Adriana*

Adriana: "Screw you guys, you never know what may happen!"

FIN