“the year of letting go, of understanding loss. grace. of the word ‘no’ and also being able to say ‘you are not kind’. the year of humanity/humility. when the whole world couldn’t get out of bed. everyone i’ve met this year, says the same thing ‘you are so easy to be around, how do you do that?’. the year i broke open and dug out all the rot with own hands. the year i learnt small talk. and how to smile at strangers. the year i understood that i am my best when i reach out and ask ‘do you want to be my friend?’. the year of sugar, everywhere. softness. sweetness. honey honey. the year of being alone, and learning how much i like it. the year of hugging people i don’t know, because i want to know them. the year i made peace and love, right here.” - Warsan Shire 

Pride is my Achilles heel. I do not bode well with a broken ego or feeling like the egg is on my face. I take small steps towards growth as I recognize just how detrimental that is to me as an individual. Especially when considering, in the grand scheme of sh*t that could go wrong in life, a bruised ego is not a destroyed one. However, what I will say is this: I do not center my identity on placating my pride or promoting the growth of my ego. I will not willingly succumb to any perceived weakness, and in recognizing my own I have managed to turn a curse into a gift.

I have been witness to the detriment of remaining rooted in place. You cannot win if you willingly allow your demons the space and opportunity to fester in your blood like venom. Yes, growing up is a constant battle, but if provided with the right resources, should be a fight worth undertaking above all.

However, it appears as though some see growth as a threat to the core self. As though seeking maturity is a traitorous act or a betrayal, and to some others, a reminder that you may transcend whatever has encompassed their attraction or draw to you.

To me, it simply reads as transference or projection of insecurity.

Because I wish to mature - mind, not lose the very crux of my personality, simply hone it and recognize the need for change - suddenly I am a bad person?

I'm "acting funny" or "moving different".

What's wrong with wanting to move differently for the sake of my own betterment?

Doesn't everyone get tired of doing the same thing? Fatigued of endless output which undermines the betterment of the self? Weary of committing yourself to the same ol' mistakes?

Their is no excuse for actively choosing to remain comfortable in being dormant.

In all aspects of life and living.

There is no merit to remaining stagnant or encouraging others to do so because you are living vicariously through them.

There is no satisfaction, no gratification in refusing to grow up.

Do you know how appalled I am whenever I am confronted with the fact that I am no longer "in with the kids"?! That I am so far removed from my behavior of yesterday?!

Yes, it is shocking to reconcile, especially being such a young, nubile child of 24 small years, but my God why would I want to go back to the old me?

She wasn't the worst person ever, but her mind was not in the right space, and in time she grew up and became a better version of the woman she was.

I have taken great pride in reflecting upon my willingness to transcend toxic behavior. If you experienced this, you too would be aware of its vital importance. Especially once everyone around you grows up and suddenly you realize you're stuck floating aimlessly, alone in the same spot staunchly refusing to move forward.

So please, for the love of Beyoncé and Rihanna - grow up.