I've attempted to avoid directly speaking or writing upon this subject outside of my core friendship circle as my feelings are quite strong and if I must argue, I'd rather do so with the ones I actually know and know me. I also realized - during the first of several attempts coherently organizing my thoughts - that I was incapable of writing a response without making myself angry and/or ruffling a few feathers. Though I've grown to understand that not all opinions, morals or values are shared, and there is no such thing as a universal way of thought, many still willingly ensconce themselves to the act of reacting first, thinking later to any who so much as breathe in a direction opposite from them. So forgive me if this is lengthy, but the mental image of engaging in any aggressively divisive discourse upon any media not wholly controlled by myself brings to mind a headache I would prefer not to have.

Thankfully time has passed, people aren't as pressed and I'm not annoyed anymore - so let's get this party started!

In an attempt to approach this topic at a different, and yet all too familiar, angle without using the words: "ashy", "good for nothing" or "n*ggas", I would just like to say this for what I'd hope to (and yet know will not) be the last time:

To all people: Please do not allow anyone who is not (please sing this following address to the tune of "Me, Myself and I" by Beyoncé Knowles-Carter) You, Yourself and YOU (end singing) convince you that there is something within you that needs changing in order for you to become the worthy recipient of love and partnership.

Whether it comes from the mouth of babes, misguided 'pastors', Beyoncé (although she would NEVER), other former singer/dancers now known for having great gowns...beautiful gowns, your friends, your family, etc., please know the sole role you play in one's treatment of you is your tolerance or allowance of it.

Understand that a person treats you the way they have decided to treat you long before you even had a say in the matter.

Remember in elementary school, when all the positivity campaigns bore messages of greatness being found from finding security within your own individual identity?

What happened to that?

At what point in time did we say, "F*CK THAT NOISE!" and begin seeking validation and praise from the way in which other people saw us?

Like most all things, with time beings evolve, but note that there is absolutely nothing that you as a fully autonomous individual can or may do to plead humanity, love or partnership from someone who refuses to provide it.

You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot force it to drink.

To pull and somewhat vaguely reference the source of my vexation (no more free promo), I'll just say: I'm getting very tired of women and men falling for the idea that - in order to be seen as a deserving recipient of positive attention - women must first break themselves down and bend at the waist or knee for a man. She must present herself a certain way, walk in the spirit of a wife (total bullshit) not a girlfriend (oh, you know, the thing you are before a wife, but since when did things have to make sense) all the while men do...the same old routine?

That...that doesn't read like a boldface scam to you?

Remember what Chimamanda said?

"Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same?"

Notice how in most all of these hyperfictionalized scenarios instructing woman on what we must do to keep a man - and I emphasize the fact that this is the case for most all of these scenarios - there is never any word or mention of partnership, compromise or reciprocity. Gosh, I wonder why that is?

Is it to dissuade independence? Or maybe further degrade women who seek to create an identity for themselves separate from a man? Is it to perpetuate the infantilization of men? Keep the bar low, they can't disappoint? Maybe to keep women in "a woman's place" - I truly don't know what or who these messages are meant to appeal to.

Actually...yes, yes I do.

(Warning: The following message is very blunt, so...proceed if you want, I guess)

These messages are for those who consider themselves exceptional from the bunch - free from the general scorn and derision of the ones they seek because they move or hold themselves 'differently' from the rest.

I've got a secret to tell you, and unfortunately, herein lies the ultimate, soul-crushing truth.

Much like those special snowflakes you saw in those high school comedies from the 90s and still to this day: you, my dear, are no different than anyone else. Well, you're different, obviously, but despite what some may preach, none of us are exempt from maltreatment - it is an unfortunate consequence of the human condition. There is no amount of behavioral modification that will save you from being the recipient of careless or foul treatment at the hands of feckless people, and that's just what it is.

You can be the Son of God sent from heaven (Jesus) and the people (the Romans) will still crucify you.

My CCD teacher would be so proud of me for that analogy - I was more of a talker than a listener during those Saturday afternoons.

I wonder if Stephen Chobsky knew the monster he had unleashed into the world when people ran with his quote, "we accept the love we think we deserve."

Probably not this mess.

I wholeheartedly disagree with him, by the way.

I believe we tolerate the love we think we need.

You don't need to be anything but yourself in order to be deserving of respect, honor, love or dignity. If someone feels you are deserving of a modicum of humanity, there will never be any need for some facade a silly charletan has requested or forced upon you.

Walk in the spirit of being your own damn self.