What We're Leaving Behind...
12:01 PM
Gifs via gal-gadot
Praise Jesus, praise Jesus - the year is finally over! When I think back on 2017, a myriad of emotions course through me as I recall a year filled with anxiety, post-grad depression, silver linings and progression. It hasn't been the best year, but it hasn't been the worst year nor has it been my LAST year - let the church say AMEN!
So, in recommencing what I last did in 2013 (I'm such a bum, LOL) in honor of one of my faves, Kid Fury, here is my list of the 17 people (and things) I hope we will not be bringing with us into the new year:
1. Sexual predators and harassment in (and outside) the workplace
Gifs via helloyangmal
When the first stories regarding #MeToo and other gross abuse of power at the hands of men and women first dropped, I was genuinely shocked. Like, suburban white soccer mom, mouth wide open, "NO WAY!!" shocked. In my mind, there was no way fully grown people were going to WORK - THE PLACE AT WHICH ONE (usually) RETAINS OF A MAJORITY OF INCOME - and whipping out their weiners or trapping coworkers in offices that locked with the press of hidden buttons. Not saying that sexual abuse or harassment is limited to one locale, or that its existence lies outside the realm of reality, but the thought of something like that happening in the workplace - Hollywood or not - seemed like a such a bold, blatant fuck you topped off with a spit to the face. I'm scared to play games on my work computer, can you imagine knowing your job - your LIFE - is so secure you, a sociopath, could cruise through there, wreak havoc and continue to freely do so? SANS MAJOR RECOURSE?!?! ALL THE WHILE THREATENING THE LIVELIHOOD OF THOSE YOU HAVE PUT IN HARMS WAY????! Can you imagine the level of privilege?!?! Just terrible. We're leaving that bullshit and those people BE-HIND in 2017. Save your trips to "rehab", your poorly calculated apologies and just disappear into the abyss and out of any kind of workforce you weirdo dickheads and all who enable them.
Gifs via helloyangmal
When the first stories regarding #MeToo and other gross abuse of power at the hands of men and women first dropped, I was genuinely shocked. Like, suburban white soccer mom, mouth wide open, "NO WAY!!" shocked. In my mind, there was no way fully grown people were going to WORK - THE PLACE AT WHICH ONE (usually) RETAINS OF A MAJORITY OF INCOME - and whipping out their weiners or trapping coworkers in offices that locked with the press of hidden buttons. Not saying that sexual abuse or harassment is limited to one locale, or that its existence lies outside the realm of reality, but the thought of something like that happening in the workplace - Hollywood or not - seemed like a such a bold, blatant fuck you topped off with a spit to the face. I'm scared to play games on my work computer, can you imagine knowing your job - your LIFE - is so secure you, a sociopath, could cruise through there, wreak havoc and continue to freely do so? SANS MAJOR RECOURSE?!?! ALL THE WHILE THREATENING THE LIVELIHOOD OF THOSE YOU HAVE PUT IN HARMS WAY????! Can you imagine the level of privilege?!?! Just terrible. We're leaving that bullshit and those people BE-HIND in 2017. Save your trips to "rehab", your poorly calculated apologies and just disappear into the abyss and out of any kind of workforce you weirdo dickheads and all who enable them.
The three white horsemen of mine own personal apocalypse. Much like Farrah Franklin, these three have proven themselves useless since their first foray into their chosen path, and it's due time someone sent them their luggage. I look forward to their eviction from politics, Lord willing I still have my eyesight or life (lest it be taken away from me via the race war or an ballistic missile - honestly there's a 50/50 chance it could go either way) to see it.
*coughs awkwardly*
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| kramergate |
Sidebar: I'm also going to need everyone to stop getting fake upset whenever these movies predictably announce a character identifies as LGBTQ(never IA). You're not going to watch the film either way, go scream into a cake and leave everyone else alone.
4. Giving attention to the people and things we hate
A wise Bajan songstress once said we not giving out no more free promo. Several years later, an imprisoned man closed the circle by asking a snitch stranger just what they were going to gain from running their mouth about someone they didn't know. I don't know about you, but I got chills, okay!
Those are my new social politics, and though I've been moving with this energy for a while, I found these sentiments necessary to spread.
No free promo, because what are we going to gain from it? Nothing.
Bless up, move accordingly in 2018.
A wise Bajan songstress once said we not giving out no more free promo. Several years later, an imprisoned man closed the circle by asking a snitch stranger just what they were going to gain from running their mouth about someone they didn't know. I don't know about you, but I got chills, okay!
Those are my new social politics, and though I've been moving with this energy for a while, I found these sentiments necessary to spread.
No free promo, because what are we going to gain from it? Nothing.
Bless up, move accordingly in 2018.
5. Corporations which profit off of the black dollar, but do not hire or market to black people
Gif via realhousewivesgifs
The style was peeped after the drop of Fenty Beauty. Your foundations and concealers are still ashy, your IG and other marketing presence is dominated by majority white women, your shade ranges are laughably pathetic and you're still champ for not swatching on darkskinned women. KEEP IT.
That little beard care commercial with all the okay-looking men? KEEP IT. We remember you changed the formula and neglected your core audience for more money - clowns.
Keep it very cute in 2018 - if you weren't checking for the black consumer until Rihanna shook up the system, maintain that energy.
Most every Black woman is Long John Silver to the bull - we never forget.
6. Colorism and tokenism in media
Lupita Nyong'o, Danai Gurira, Viola Davis, Rutina Wesley, Angela Bassett (MY Ororo Munro) and Gabrielle Union should not be the only women the people jump to whenever it is time to fancast a 'darkskinned' lead.
Biracial women should not be the default, ideal or first candidates considered when casting for roles typically presented as monoracial. (I've expanded this particular universe after seeing the outcry for the biracial girl planning to play Princess Jasmine in the upcoming live action Aladdin - which...WHO ASKED FOR THIS).
Lightskinned women should not be limited to representations of being the ideal love interest, waif, tragic mulatto, aloof damsel roles.
Darkskinned women should not be limited to being represented as the undesirable, inhumanly strong, chip-on-her-shoulder, neck rolling attitude girl.
All black women on screen should not have suffer ceaseless victimization in order to be seen as legitimate.
Nor should they be slaves.
Chadwick Boseman should not be the go-to actor for every single biopic centering a black male historical figure.
Also, despite what Tamera Mowry-Housley thinks, black women/white men couplings are no longer revolutionary, rare or shaking the table - neither are black men/white women pairings - the market is quite saturated with these images. I know the Swirl Agenda is only thus far gaining momentum within media, but it's time to move onto the spicier matches.
They can only include black women.
(I kid, I kid)
7. Lil'...whomever with the bright hair, face tattoos, subpar music known only for their antics offstage
Gif via realhousewivesgifs
All these scary children with their scary rap and scary internet personas - please, once it hits 11:59:59 on December 1, 2017, I expect them all to shrivel and powder out like Derrick Rose's knees. The only thing about them that should be transferring into 2018 is the dust we pay them. Leave us alone.
Gif via realhousewivesgifs
All these scary children with their scary rap and scary internet personas - please, once it hits 11:59:59 on December 1, 2017, I expect them all to shrivel and powder out like Derrick Rose's knees. The only thing about them that should be transferring into 2018 is the dust we pay them. Leave us alone.
8. "Twitter do ya thang"*
*Situations may vary
*Situations may vary
Gifs via ryangoslingsource
A wise person once said: "If thine enemy is standing in thine face, it is thine own responsibility to handle thine enemy according to the situation and thine's comfort with maybe going to prison."
I think either Oprah or Gucci Mane said that - they're both profound motivating forces in my life.
Seriously though, unless the person attacking your character or provoking you in some way is inaccessible in the real world, off the internet, don't come looking for me to retweet, fave or share your dilemma. If someone is calling you a racial slur or physically assaulting you and your first response is "let me whip out your smart device to silently record this for Twitter"...not saying you deserve it, but how can I help?!? They're right in front of you and I'm across an expanse of 1s and 0s.
As Ronald Weasley said, "you need to sort our your priorities."
The time spent wasted writing a teary, usually lengthy, plea for assistance and uploading your video to social media could've been spent *Olivia Pope voice* handling the situation.
9. Police Violence/Colin Kaepernick hate
Gif via treygotguap
Self-explanatory.
And cut the fake anger and misplaced comparisons meant to derail conversations.
Still hate that he didn't vote.
Gif via treygotguap
Self-explanatory.
And cut the fake anger and misplaced comparisons meant to derail conversations.
Still hate that he didn't vote.
It's always the minorities job to save the world after #they break it, but when it comes time for us...
#NotYourMule
You make your bed, you lie in it.
In 2018 I will no longer signing petitions or attending rallies formulated in response to this farce of an administration. Not that I did a lot of that in 2017, but I did my civic duty and voted with my big girl brain on November 6, 2016. I knew what would happen if I didn't and look what happened: the very first chance #they got, #they spat in my face and accelerated the descent of American society. #They also then feigned ignorance at the dinner table seated with other #they and then proceeded to ask me to lend my voice to a movement while #they sat back and drew clitorises on sidewalks, knitted pink kitty hats and other superficial tokens that did nothing to move the sociopolitical needle in any major way. Sorry, no more.
Yes, we are moving towards progress, so child I GUESS we gotta go through it to get through it, but I'll be a casual bystander while #they restructure the system #they broke and naively thought was ever here for #Us.
11. Gun violence
Children should never be resorted to making bulletproof backpacks.
Children should never be resorted to making bulletproof backpacks.
There is no reason people shouldn't feel safe going:
to church.
the movies.
the park.
the local community center.
down the block.
to the gas station.
home.
12. Diaspora wars*
Gif via onehellofascene
*Terms and conditions do apply: if you are anti black, chances are I ain't got it for you, kid.
13. Buzzwords & the incessant insertion of a Social Justice Thing™
13a. I, too, have taken a cultural anthropology, sex, race and gender course and read Franz Fanon. Not everything requires deep level analyses or interpolation, please, extract your Megamind-sized dome out of your anus and relax. Please, I beg of you, excess usage of polysyllabic words incoherently strung together doth not an intellectual make. STOP IT.
13b. Hey, um...not everything is or requires a Social Justice Thing™, and I know ya'll know that. While I am glad to see tangible efforts being made towards an idyllic future, it has become harder to take things seriously when everything is taken seriously. Let's all just...calm down.
13b. Hey, um...not everything is or requires a Social Justice Thing™, and I know ya'll know that. While I am glad to see tangible efforts being made towards an idyllic future, it has become harder to take things seriously when everything is taken seriously. Let's all just...calm down.
14. Superficial politics
I am no longer interested in watching people with access jump on soapboxes for social-capital bonus points or their own selfish reasons. Mean what you say and say what you mean when the shiny lights turn off. If you are really out here looking to change the world - whether or not you have the access and capability to shift the institutional structures - do so without shame. If that is not what you want to do, please just sit there and read your magazine.
15. Dystopian films/movies/book whose sole plots are based upon allegories to any marginalized person's plight yet do not have...any marginalized people...in them
Gifs via beyonces
Johnny 'alleged woman beater' Depp can stay in Fantastic Beasts because "ThE agReeMeNTs tHAt haVE beeN PuT iN plaCe To pRoTecT tHe prIVacy Of TwO peOPle [Depp and Heard], boTH oF whOM HavE eXprESsed a DEsire tO geT On wITh thEir LiVes, muSt Be reSPeCted. BaSed ON oUR uNDErstANding of tHe ciRCumsTances, thE FiLmmAkers aND i ARe noT onLy coMFortaBle sTICking wIth oUr oriGiNal CasTIng, BuT gENuinely haPPy to haVe Johnny plAYing A maJor CHARacter iN tHe MOvieS.”
Meanwhile, Alfie Enoch played a character who, in the span of EIGHT FILMS, most notably stood in the background of every scene and was only brought up to the front to utter the memorable line that was, "It's a remembrall!" REALLY?!
Let's not even start with the Lavender Brown controversy.
Yeah, I know authors don't do the casting, but COME ON, what's really good? My youth and memories have already been terrorized with your revisionist historical backgrounds of some of my favorite fictional characters, but seriously? I'm supposed to believe you just don't have ANY say?
At what point in time will we coloreds that do not pass the paper bag got dang test (DAMN YOU, Hollywood) get speaking roles in one of ya'll little films?! Have we not yet been invented? What's going on, what's the hold up? Zoë Kravitz and Carmen Ejogo can only take me but SO far.
You mean to tell me black people - DARK BLACK people - just haven't ventured outside in ANY of these dystopian societies? Avatar, The Giver, Divergent, Bright, etc. These same dystopian societies based in the real life, 400-year enslavement of black people? OH, WORD? That's what we really doing? NOT in the big 2018.
AND, if these marginalized people are to be so lucky to be part of these narratives, we will no longer accept them being the first ones to go. These actions at the hands of writers and directors who thought putting in an (insert minority here) for five minutes worth of screen time would placate said community has got a big storm coming in 2018. No more.
Sidebar: This isn't about dystopian societies, but stop leaving marginalized people out of their own narratives for the sake of...I'm really not sure what. Meaning if you're going to make a film about Stonewall, it should be a no-brainer to include black/brown LGBTQ(IA) people. If you're going to make a story about the legacy and importance of Thurgood Marshall, it is best to not avoid the fact that colorism played a major role in his life.
16. "All boy's club"
Gifs via houseofgarlands
I can't believe ya'll let "Who Run The World (Girl's)" flop. ANyways, the ladies are coming for throats in 2018 - protect your neck, mediocre Maxwell, your time will be up very soon.
Unfortunately, this has become the default setting for a lot of people. I do believe social media has played a major role in the dwindling importance of critical thinking, and when you mix that with mob mentality and the incessant need to be 'first', it's just...overwhelming...seeing people jump stupid to conclusions before taking the time to fully digest a situation. In sum, this is my plea that people embrace critical, individual thinking in 2018.
Honorable mentions:
18. Caleb McLaughlin hate/Harassment of child actors
He is literally a child and plays a fictional character.
If I so much as hear him breathe that someone came at him funny behind a FICTIONAL ASS CHARACTER, I'm pulling up to your house on some Monica sh*t.
Stop taking it too far with children.
Preface: DEBATE YOUR THREE RIGHT-FEET, SLEEP EIGHT FULL HOURS A DAY MAMMY! I said what I said.
Stop looking at stan reactions and open your big girl, big boy, big them, big WHOMEVER eyes and see facts: Beyoncé is criminally underrated and underappreciated as an artist. I say this solely based upon the fact that I have never seen nor heard any of these same sentiments regarding Michael Joseph Jackson - whom I position as the only other artist within mine own lifetime with which Beyoncé is equal.
Stop being a hater and give Beyoncé her roses.
20. "Beyoncé has made (insert something trivial and stupid) unrealistic" et al attacks on other black women (see: Rihanna, Serena Williams, Quevenzhané Wallis) at the hands of white and/or non-black women
STTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!
(Also, here's looking at you, Chrissy Teigen, despite how much I kind of enjoy your online presence, the girls won't ever let me forget you calling a damn 9-year-old a "cunt" - thanks for that!)
21. Giving little white girls who get on TV and disrespect their mothers any kind of platform that they can utilize to become millionaires
Gif via realhousewivesgifs
Gif via realhousewivesgifs
Rihanna said we weren't giving out no more free promo in 2013. TWO THOUSAND AND THIRTEEN, four whole years ago, and ya'll didn't listen. I didn't either, but by the time I did - far too late - it was after I realized my clicks, retweets and constant conversation was only inflaming the problem, not resolving it. Twitter gave us the mute/block combo for a reason and I have abused the hell out of it. Please, let's do the same in 2018.
22. English/Aussie/Non-American actors playing Americans and vice versa
Gif via realhousewivesgifs
This is so petty and nit-picky and not even a MAJOR deal, but I can always hear the accent, and it totally removes me from the story. I could hear Tom Holland's accent in Spiderman: Homecoming, John Boyega and Emma Watson's in the trailers for The Circle and the actress who plays Amunet Black on The Flash has one of the most offensive 'English' accents I've ever heard. I know some actors get vocal training, but my God, please, there's so many people on this blue, green and brown Earth just waiting for their chance. I know star power means a lot, but let's just...please.
22. English/Aussie/Non-American actors playing Americans and vice versa
Gif via realhousewivesgifs
This is so petty and nit-picky and not even a MAJOR deal, but I can always hear the accent, and it totally removes me from the story. I could hear Tom Holland's accent in Spiderman: Homecoming, John Boyega and Emma Watson's in the trailers for The Circle and the actress who plays Amunet Black on The Flash has one of the most offensive 'English' accents I've ever heard. I know some actors get vocal training, but my God, please, there's so many people on this blue, green and brown Earth just waiting for their chance. I know star power means a lot, but let's just...please.
23. Both the Democrat and Republican political parties
Gifs via parksandrex
It's just a big mess. Restructure, immediately. Send help.
Gifs via parksandrex
It's just a big mess. Restructure, immediately. Send help.
24. Saying "people of color" when you just mean BLACK
Gif via realitytvgifs
People of color are not a monolith - we do not share the same struggles, progressions or experiences.
But ya'll knew this - erasure on the micro level - style has been peeped.
Move accordingly in 2018.
25. Devil's advocates/Gotta see both sides (Goofys)
Taking the high road is a fiction. Don't let #they punk you.
26. Forgiving these cheating a** [redacted for Spike Lee]
Just kidding about the second half of "Lemonade", but ladies...get in formation.
Not everyone should be going back.
*Stares at B[redacted]*
27. Bernie Bros
Gif via realhousewivesgifs
He lost, Susan Sarandon, let's push forward. He has also thus proven himself to not be worth any of the "uwu so progressive!!!!!" rhetoric that has since trailed him. Move on.
(But ya'll don't like listening to Black women, I forgot *sighs*)
FIN (for now)
Gif via realhousewivesgifs
That's all I've got, but if you know me, there's always a rant a' brewin and I'm sure I'll find more things to leave behind in 2017 before the clock strikes midnight.
Hopefully I've inspired some, hopefully I've made some laugh - hopefully you've enjoyed this list and been inspired to make your own! End the year with a laugh, we've cried enough this year to last a lifetime over here.
So, with all the memories - good and bad - of 2017 officially behind us - I bid this year adieu! So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, GOODBYE! I wish everyone a joyous, fruitful and happy new year - and here's to 2018!
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