The standards of behavior for men are dangerously high, and yet the expectation they fulfill them are dastardly low.

It is with growing distress that I witness strong women (myself included) debase themselves by repeatedly carrying the burden of unequal emotional labor for men - and I'm not here for it.

First coined by Arlie Hochschild in her 1983 book, The Managed Heart, emotional labor is defined as, "the process of managing feelings and expressions to fulfill the emotional requirements of a job."

What first started as the ways in which we bullshit to get the job done, has now, essentially, evolved into the ways in which women perform femininity as a way to absolve and excuse men/women/others lacking emotional depth and self-awareness. Emotional labor is performed, contemporarily, as a way in which the internal self provides external support to those as a means of reconciling personality and behavioral flaws.

To put it to use, think of how often you hear, "guys just mature slower than girls," and, "boys think with their penis, girls think with their brains," and, my favorite, "you have to understand, guys don't know how to express themselves."

YEAH, TRIGGERED.

These and other varied "men/boys/guys just don't-" phrases framing masculinity as possessing an emotional disability women subsequently have to shoulder begets the process of unequal emotional labor, and it needs to stop.

I know far too many people who are all-too-willing to sacrifice and compromise all in the name of placating men because of some alleged biological difference.

Though such discrepancy is to be expected in a patriarchal society wherein the prioritization of male desires and needs is given precedent, it is exhausting to watch someone constantly make excuse for a man who is - for lack of a better word - pushing it.

Keep in mind the performance of emotional labor is executed unknowingly and almost reflexively.

Women have been socialized to be the soft, mindful nurturer for as long as men have been socialized to be the brute, physical provider.

But, I mean, really?

You mean to tell me someone borne of the same Earth as me, blessed with the same 24 hours and seven weekdays as me - gets absolved of his lack of emotional depth and other bullsh*t because he's a man and he just "doesn't know any better"?

How insulting.

The jig is up, and the standard has evolved.

Jay-Z said so on, 4:44 and its ensuing footnotes - we have to hold men to the standard that is expected.

And 4:44 got the Beyoncé and Ms. Tina co-sign, so that's that on that.

(Though watching people applaud the 'profound' emotional depth and candor of the men in the Footnotes for 4:44 videos grow from a millimeter to a centimeter was...that's another conversation for another day.)

Constantly coddling, excusing and deflecting poor behavior all in the name of "biological difference" and "expectation" only perpetuates the vicious cycle of toxic masculinity, and girl, I don't know about you, but I'm all the way here for a man in fully in tune with his emotions.

Not one expecting me to excuse or shoulder them.

Now, the working, corporate aspect of emotional labor, well, we all have to shoulder that burden, which is why I left working in retail.

Performing kindness and stepping into the role of mammy is not a thing I care to do until I actually become a mother. Until then *does the F*ck you gesture from "Friends".