I have been trying to make sense of the male responses towards sexual assault and the treatment of women post the media scandals of: Woody Allen, R. Kelly, Bill Cosby, Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein, Nelly (allegedly), the doctor from the USA Women's gymnastic team, The Game (allegedly) and so many more. With thanks to the the hellish echo chamber that is Twitter, I have been privy to an inundation of horrible hot takes, think pieces and #NotAllMen. Of course, there are an exemplary few who've surpassed the "let's troll for shock value and retweets" mindset, but that wouldn't be worth a post if we focused on the few.

So here we go.

If your first response to someone giving clear example of a man who isn't worth a damn, "NOT ALL MEN!!!!!!" - you ain't shit. Chances are you're probably not a "good guy" or a "nice guy who finishes last", and yet I'd bet $100 you're leaning on those excuses as to just why you haven't seen the inside of a vagina since you evacuated one (if such is your preference). More likely than not, you're probably a giant tool or one of those fake allies who speaks over women whenever they attempt to let out so much as a breath of air.

These kinds of people are top five The Worst.

I am a heterosexual woman who has liked men and been lectured about their potential to partake in predatory behavior since I hit puberty. What I had once believed to be unnecessary lecturing was actually warnings I had learned to heed very quickly. I have been forced to internalize certain protections - with thanks to the near constant reminder that my womanhood will always be under attack. These 'lessons' - consisting of numerous ways in which one could be taught how to avoid unwanted sexual advances from men by modifying both appearance and behavior, because that works - are often solely taught to women while men are taught...I'm not too sure. I'm sure there are lessons in respect and appropriate behavior, but as evidenced by literal statistical data, it's...it's not working.

Now, men can fall victim to sexual assault too, however women are still at greater risk to experience rape and sexual assault at the hands of men. Alongside that, the way in which male assault on the female is typically addressed still manages to make women the central source of their own victimization because: Rape culture.

The concept of which was only recently introduced to me after I took a sex, race and gender course in undergrad. Prior to that, I was wholly ignorant to just what had been going on under my nose. The subversive narratives, the victim blaming, it was everywhere! And even I had been taking part in it!

 
 

You know what made me saddest about the #MeToo movement? Was that in 2017, with all the advanced technology and access to resources and endless marches, and op-eds, and songs, and movies, and books - rape culture and victim blaming was still so ubiquitous and casual.

I suppose I forgot that not everyone is as hard-pressed to progress with a changing society as I am. Add to that, more often than not, behind closed doors, some people are still comfortable with the, "let's give men the benefit of the doubt, always," status quo.

I remember learning at CCD (ironic, I know, and yes, I watched The Keepers) that the thing that separates Man from Beast is the ability to empathize.

If we lose that ability, what separates us?

There is something so insidious about using the same breath to absolve yourself from the behavior of the perverse, choosing instead to derail conversations by feigning individual ignorance at its prevalence or blatantly turning a blind eye to it.

Instead of jumping to the defense, how hard would it be to admit that fucked up shit is always happening - usually at the hands of those in power?

How hard would it be to hold your fellow man to task for their deplorable behavior and abuse of power?

Rather than telling the victim everything they did wrong, or the numerous ways in which they could have avoided their interaction with trauma, or how NOT ALL MEN are like that, why don't we focus on the task at hand? Why don't we coat the perpetrators in shame?

How about that?

Stop expending your energy screaming not all men, dweeb - we know it's not ALL men.

And chances are, you already know, too.