As these episodes of crippling anxiety have recurred with increased frequency over the past nine months, I tend to find comfort in the known. And what I know how to do is rant.

And write.

So, here's a new one.

I don't know what it is about this new insistence on performative behavior - aka putting on the act of proving individual greatness through carefully curated media as shared virtually - but it is one of the more vexing side effects of the overshare era plaguing my being.

What is it about social media that makes people believe they must showcase every single aspect - good or bad - about themselves or their lives in order for it to be considered legitimate?

Why is the constant validation of other people, especially ones you do not know, important to individual self worth?

What is with this incessant need to prove things to people who, ultimately, do not give a damn about your existence?

And I'm talking about every kind of person. From regular and average, to big name celebs. What is with people going OUT OF THEIR WAY to make themselves appear to be beacons of #GOALS, altruism or God's second coming to the homuncli? Have I missed something?

Must the general public suffer and drown in the constant circle jerk of performative behavior, self-gratification and ego-stroking this era applauds?

It is quite scary how that one "Black Mirror" episode is so eerily reflective of contemporary internet society and culture.

I used to believe the parasocial relationships some fans had with celebrities was limited to just that - people being overfamiliar and projecting their fantasies and insecurities onto people they didn't know - but I how naive was I to forget celebrities and their stans are regular people too.

The casually informal nature of social media has led people to believe they have something to prove because the lines have been blurred and boundaries in the digital age do not exist. Once you've fostered a friendly, engaging or funny enough environment, people who have begun to develop a sense of comfort and familiarity with you will flock. This then leads to guards appearing to fall down when, they are in fact, going up - and the facilitation of a perceived level of intimacy that is but a smokescreen of manufactured identities, one-sided characteristics and personality traits.

Total transparency and the internet have been historically proven to be a volatile combination.
Any facade, show or active effort to uphold the constantly changing ideal is, typically, not worth it (unless it's making you money, then get that engagement up, honey bun - but only if you aren't causing harm!!!).

Unless we actually know each other in the real world, the fact of the matter is: I don't know you, and you don't know me.

And, uh, I don't know about you, but unless obligated, I don't have to prove anything to somebody that doesn't know me.

Were I to wager, I would venture to say eight out of ten people on the internet are displaying a little under 50 percent of their honest, true selves. I say eight because you've always got to leave some room for a margin of error, and your favorite brand that has those 'fire' clapbacks? A ruse. Never forget most major brands are just machines of capitalism hiding behind underpaid individuals incorrectly using African American Vernacular English and other urban references contemporary references to popular culture with a social media presence often helmed by criminally underpaid individuals.

So maybe seven out of ten people, then.

If time has steadily proven that the internet and blind trust are variables that do not mix, why are people so hard pressed to perform for the internet?

Especially for people who will never significantly impact your existence?!

I think my angry, cynical mind is taking over, let me recoup.


Look, I understand the current human experience has seen an upswing in placing grand importance on seeking and receiving validation from others (especially in the age of Likes, Retweets and Engagement) but we've got to want more for ourselves.

I'm tired of people acting as if not having something splayed all over the internet invalidates your being.

Stop with the constant need to affirm and validate other people's actions, and stop with the constant need for others to affirm and validate your own.

It's not healthy, and it is a horribly vicious, cyclical cycle of high expectations and high disappointments.

Just because you see it, doesn't make it real.

Just because you don't see it, doesn't make it any less real.